Repositioning Delhi: A Guide for Expats and Indians

chillibreeze writer — Mark Klessen

Many Indians and not a few foreigners seem to have a low opinion of Delhi. It is not uncommon for Indians to insist that Delhi is somehow unable to provide someone with an authentic Indian experience. They say, It is not really India. In similar fashion, many travel guides recommend that the visitor to India spend as little time in Delhi as possible. It is suggested that though Delhi may have its attractions, it is far better to quickly move beyond the Capital on to superior locations elsewhere in the country.

I disagree. In my opinion, Delhi is India, just as much as any other place within this vast and diverse nation, and it is certainly worth a visit. Diversity is one of India’s greatest charms, and Delhi is uniquely able to offer a bounty of evidence for it in one location. India’s Capital is not to be scorned – it is to be treasured.

I consider it a gift, then, to have the opportunity to live in Delhi, and I gladly give my opinion on doing Delhi right. Although this opinion concerns how a foreigner should go about living in the city of Delhi, it is also assumed that there are a great variety of good ways to live in Delhi, as there are also a great variety of people that Delhi attracts. Of course, it is also very true that there are many mistakes to be made and opportunities to be missed in choosing a way of life in Delhi. To acknowledge that affirms the value of good advice, something that this article is unabashed in seeking to offer.

I need to say that the advice of this article is based on a recent and very positive experience of living as an expat in Delhi, an experience that continues to this day. I came to Delhi with my wife and three young children three years ago and we have learned to love this city. Of course, as with any place, there may also be a lot not to love, which again affirms the need to be discerning about choices in regard to living here.

Despite its blemishes, such as the terrible traffic and the bureaucratic arrogance, Delhi does have its charm. For those of us who live here, it’s hard not to get sentimental as we think about going for a stroll in Lodi Gardens, picnicking at India Gate, riding a cycle rickshaw down Chandni Chowk or shopping at the market in Sarojini Nagar. We don’t need to mention Humayun’s Tomb, the Lotus Temple, Jama Masjid, or Qutab Minar, because those are obvious attractions, and there’s certainly far more to Delhi than these famed sights.

Delhi is today home to about 15 million people, most of whom are Indians. Those people may have a wide variety of feelings toward their city, but for whatever reasons, this is where they have chosen to live and move and have their being. As the capital of India, of course, many Indians in the city are employed by the national government and a good number come to represent their particular state. Delhi is also home to numerous embassies and high commissions from nations around the world, making it the temporary residence of thousands of people in international diplomatic service. As a major business center for an emerging economic superpower, there are also many multinational companies setting up operations in Delhi, as well as business representatives and entrepreneurs from all over the globe who are gaining access to India through its capital. As an educational center, there are also a host of international students.

My role in this world-class city has been twofold: I have been acting as a business representative and sourcing agent for a Canadian company, as well as overseeing a project with a church-based non-governmental organization also based in Canada. We live in South Delhi among the middle and upper-middle class. My experience, then, specifically highlights the differences between Canada and India. I do not intend to be comprehensive in my perspective of the expat experience in general. I defer to others who can speak about interactions between other cultures. However, I suspect that my reflections will be valid and helpful for a wide variety of people from cultures outside of India, especially Western cultures.

I will give two primary recommendations in regard to living as an expat in Delhi. First, do not expect Delhi to be like your previous home. Second, give yourself freely to the people of Delhi.

The expat experience begins with expectations. Coming from a small town of 3000 people in Canada, we were expecting life to be different in a city of 15 million, not to mention the fact that it was literally half way around the world and in a nation, in many ways, very different from our own. We learned quickly not to expect Delhi to be like our home in Canada. And as we began to welcome other expats to Delhi, we recommended that they guard themselves in regard to expectations in a similar way and thereby avoid a great deal of disappointment and frustration.

Two brief examples will suffice to illustrate the need to expect significant differences between cultures. In regard to personal space, it is clear that Indians do not expect the same amount of distance between individuals as they go about their business in public. It is altogether common in India to brush shoulders with people in public without any acknowledgement, let alone apology. To stand in line at a bank or any other queue in a public place, most Westerners are accustomed to give a foot or two between the other, but in India people routinely lean on each other and push to jockey for position in such line-ups. For the foreigner who knows nothing of this difference and who expects to line-up in the same manner as back home, the experience can be quite unnerving.

Whether you drive yourself or you sit as a passenger, the traffic experience in Delhi can be quite shocking, especially if you expect drivers to abide by the same rules as in your own country. Despite what you might first think, there are very simple and reasonable rules that govern traffic in India. But they are probably quite different from what you would expect. The most important rule is that the vehicle that is further ahead in traffic has the right of way. So it is the responsibility of every driver to keep a vigilant eye on what is ahead of them and to give way to those vehicles. This practice of yielding is the key to driving in India. If this simple rule is followed, which it is for the most part, it is amazing how traffic flows. What is behind you, then, on the roadways is essentially not your responsibility, except in the case of honking. Honking is a common courtesy and a second essential practice in Indian driving. It helps the vehicles behind to notify the vehicles ahead about the intention to pass, making it possible to bypass the primary rule. The driver coming from behind still needs to be cautious, because it is ultimately the driver ahead who chooses to allow the pass and yield. Of course, there are sometimes other principles at work, such as might makes right, when bigger vehicles use their size to intimidate and maneuver through traffic. All of this may sound crazy to the foreign mind, but it really does work on the roadways.

These two examples emphasize the simple point that life is different here in Delhi. The foreigner who does Delhi right thus needs to come with that expectation along with two key attitudes - humility and patience. Being humble is so important because the way you do things in your own country is not necessarily better, it’s just different. The Indian way is not only equally valid, it may give you valuable insight into another way of doing things, equipping you with the potential for greater flexibility and innovation. Being patient is so important because it not only takes time for you to learn and adapt, but it also allows you to extend grace to the masses who are doing things differently than you. Remember, this is their country – you are the visitor.

My second recommendation has everything to do with people, especially the foreigner’s attitude toward the people of Delhi.

As a city, Delhi has a personality, an identity. After arriving in Delhi, we were informally briefed on different aspects of the city, by locals and expats alike. Aside from all the great things that Delhi has to offer, they told us that this is a place where people come to take and not to give. For many, Delhi is a place to work but not a place to live and invest. They come here for a specific purpose, i.e., their job, but they do not intend to put down roots in the city. Many Indians work in Delhi and then send money to their home in another part of India. These people are not from Delhi, and they are hesitant to really call it their home. Of course, it is similar for the foreign diplomats and other expats on short-term postings. This kind of situation does not nurture a love for the city. One foreigner, referring to this characteristic of Delhi, described the city as a monster filled with lust, greed and anger. We were told by another that there is a spirit of volatility that prevails in the city and that we should not underestimate its potential to put us under its spell.

We could have easily been scared off. Indeed, Delhi can be intimidating. We would be dishonest if we denied that we have personally struggled with these attitudes and influences since moving to Delhi. But we can also say that we not only survived the first three years of our expat experience, but we expect to continue to thrive here. It is possible to resist the negativity and to live contrary to this territorial spirit. Aside from trusting in God and embracing the freedom that he supplies, it has been our relationships with the people of Delhi, both Indians and expats, who have given us the strength and motivation to thrive in this city.

The people in Delhi who have inspired us the most are those who are giving of themselves freely and working for the benefit of others. They call Delhi home and they love it in all its beauty and blemishes. They are here in this city to give and not just to take. They are genuine servants of the city. They may not be without weaknesses and limitations, but they are doing something positive for the city. For us, they are the examples that we seek to follow. They give us a model. They teach us how to do Delhi right.

We have found these people among both Indians and expats, and with that in mind, I would recommend that expats do their best to make friends with both Indians and other expats. It seems best to have such a balance, to maximize your experience of Indian culture by learning from the insiders and from other outsiders.

One important note, however, as you befriend other expats is the fact that most of them aren’t around for long. Most of the foreigners living in Delhi stay in the city for no longer than two to four years. It is a very transient community, something that we were warned about in terms of not expecting long-term support and friendship from this sector. As we enter the fourth year of our expat experience, we are finding that many of our expat friends have already left, or are leaving shortly. But even though our friendships with other expats, in many cases, have been short, we would have to say that our experience here has been greatly enriched by them, and we are grateful for them.

Some expats, of course, are to be avoided, especially those who, for whatever reasons, hate India. They exist, and they are a sorry bunch. Beware of those who prefer a purely insulated experience of Delhi. As amazing as it sounds, it is entirely possible to live within the confines of an embassy or company and not touch, or be touched by, India itself. It is not dissimilar to the experience of some tourists who visit a foreign country but never leave the five-star resort. It may be enjoyable, but it lacks the depth of a cross-cultural experience. If you’ve been given the opportunity to live in a different country, it would be a certain waste if you never experienced a different culture. Fortunately for us, most of the expats that we’ve befriended have inspired in us a greater love and appreciation for India.

Finally, as a resident of this fine city, I invite you to come. Come to Delhi and call it your home for however long you will stay. Embrace the city in all its charm. Come to learn. Come with questions. Come with realistic expectations. Be humble and gentle and patient. And come to give something of yourself. Come to contribute something good to this city. Offer to help in some way. Be generous. Engage the people. Make friends. Find people who love the city, and quickly you will learn to love it too.

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—About our writer:

Mark says, "I am a Canadian living in Delhi with my wife and three daughters since 2005. Here in India, I am simultaneously representing a Canadian business, working with a Canada-based NGO, writing as much and as often as I can, and learning to embrace India in all its glory and wonder."

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