How a Contemporary Bengali Wedding is Celebrated- Abiding Core in Modern Regalia

chillibreeze writer — Soumyasree Mukherjee (Chakraborty)

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us apart."

Well, this seems to be the crux of the 'wedding bond' since times immemorial. Simple and sweet. However the celebrations related to Indian weddings are anything but simple. The multi day celebration is rich in color, pomp and tradition – making it a feast for the eyes. Bengali weddings are no different. Considered as one of the most auspicious occasions in India, a marriage is perhaps the most important social occasion not only for the individuals involved, but also for the entire family. And this gets reflected in the celebrations.

In Bengal, wedding celebrations start a few days before the actual date with Ashirvad where the elders of both the families bless the bride and the groom with token gifts thereby approving and confirming the alliance. The shopping starts much earlier than that, though. Then the ladies of both the families become very busy decorating the Tattva -- skillfully decorated and artistically displayed, these are the gifts exchanged between the two families. They also reflect the taste and culture of the families.

On the day before the wedding Aiburobhaat or a bachelorette party is thrown for both the bride and the groom at their respective places. This is also the day when relatives come over to stay back till the ceremony is complete. Alpana (designs drawn freehand) adorns the floor where the wedding would take place and also the wooden Piri on which the bride and the groom would sit during the wedding.

The wedding is always conducted in the evening, in the presence of a priest, normally at the house of the bride. A peculiarity of Bengali marriage is that the bride and the groom's mothers do not witness the marriage due to a prevalent belief that this casts an "evil eye" on the couple. The venue is flocked by friends and cousins. Shehnai played by live musicians create the mood. Conch shells blown by the ladies add to the symphony. Fun, teasing and laughter echo till almost the next morning. The day after the wedding, the bride leaves for the groom's house, traditionally in a palanquin. On the next day a reception is arranged for the couple at the groom's place wherein the bride is introduced to all her new relatives and friends.

Everybody longs for a natural glow on the face with a hint of drama for his or her most special day in life. Traditionally this responsibility is bestowed upon a cousin in the family with an artistic flair. Uptans are considered more important than makeup. The groom wears dhuti-panjabi (dhoti-kurta) and topor (head-dress made of thermocol), and carries a darpan (mirror). The bride glows in a red benarasi sari, a red veil, a mukut (head dress), an iron bangle (noya) in her left wrist, a pair of Sakha-pala (red and white bangles); and of course her ornaments. Her hair is neatly tied into a bun. Alta – a red lac-dye – borders her feet. Sandalwood is artistically applied to the forehead of both the bride (bou) and the groom (bor). The members of the groom's house (borjatri) as well as his friends dress in their best attire and journey to the bride's house where the wedding takes place.

Feasting is an integral part of the four-day long celebration. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners are seamlessly coordinated for hundreds of people. Guests sit in huge rows cross- legged on ashon (small carpet) placed on the floor and food is served on banana leaves. The menu mainly consists of regional favourites. Luchi (puri), chhachra (mixed vegetable), pulao, patol er dolma (stuffed parwal), maachh er kaliya (fish curry), kosha mangsho (mutton curry), mishti doi, sandesh, rasogolla have been perennial favourites. And it's the younger people of the house who takeover to serve the meal supervised by an elderly person. Fun and frolic fill up the air and the warmth generated can be the sole reason for someone to travel miles to attend the ceremony. Not much sophistication, but a lot of warmth and camaraderie.

Today's urban Indian weddings are a picture of national and international integration. Many Bengali weddings these days have mehendi and sangeet ceremonies as observed in many other regions in India. Lack of time has forced us to simplify matters. Most of the organizing part is done by event management teams. Relatives hardly have time to stay back and create the mood of festivity. Professionals take over to decorate tattva, deck up bride and groom, decorate the mandap and cater to the feast. Shehnai players have given way to CD players. Uptans have given to make-up. Designer saris or even lahengas or salwar suits are preferred to traditional red benarasi sari. Sherwanis and pant-suits are more in vogue than dhoti-kurta, especially on the reception day. Palanquins have been replaced by modern means of transportation. Alta is seldom used. The food also is a combination of several cuisines. Traditional favourites have been replaced by more popular rogan josh, biriyani, fish manchurian, vegetable jalfrezi, ice-cream and the likes. Friends and family no longer need to serve the guests – caterers have taken over. Colas serve as welcome drink instead of aam-pora shorbot (a drink made of smoked raw mango). But the spirit lives on unhindered.

"I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
… filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife."

You combine both, and surely no one's complaining!

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—About our writer:

Soumyasree a graduate from Symbiosis, Pune, and PG from Jadavpur University, Kolkata. She started writing very young patroned by Voices, the school supplement of The Statesman, Kolkata. Since then she has freelanced exhaustively for the Kolkata editions of The Statesman, The Telegraph, The Asian Age, The Hindustan Times and The Times of India; the Pune edition of The Times of India; and Palki, a web-magazine. Working for children as volunteer for the Youth Wing of CRY and Mentaid has been her passion. Interested in culinary experimentations. She maintains and contributes for the recipe section of a website. Thriving on imagination, creativity, rigorous thinking, boundless curiosity, dedication and optimism, she enjoys meeting and communicating with people. A learner for life. She enjoys listening to music, reading, writing, travelling, watching films, and spending time with family and friends.

How a Contemporary Bengali Wedding is Celebrated- Abiding Core in Modern Regalia

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