Indians Cannot Say ‘No’!

This article is part of the "India survival Kit", a collection of articles written by an American expat living in India.

Nonverbal communication is an important part of society. If a particular gesture has a completely different meaning in each of two separate cultures, it can be a source of confusion and misunderstanding when people of the two cultures meet. For Americans, shaking the head from side to side indicates “No” and clear disagreement. In India, the same head motion is often used to denote “Yes” and agreement. My belief is that Indians are so kind and solicitous that “No” is not a word in their vocabulary.

Indians have a hard time saying no, be it in social, professional or even casual situations. It is rare to hear an Indian refuse to offer help or a service, which sometimes can cause trouble. For example, if you asked a person for directions, you will probably get a confident answer even if he did not know the way – just so you would not be disappointed. Only after trying to follow his directions unsuccessfully will you realize that he was as clueless as you were, to begin with. Then you will be faced with the problem of having to ask someone else for help, at the risk of being led, once again, on a wild goose chase.

Shopkeepers are an excellent example of the Indian’s inability to say no. Take the situation of a woman shopping for an olive green sari. She enters a store and asks the salesman for an olive green sari. The salesman shows her a lime green sari. She repeats her request for an olive green sari. He pulls out a bluish green sari. She shakes her head. He then pulls out other shades of green, blue, even red and yellow. She looks puzzled and says that she wants only an olive green sari. He does not admit that he has no olive green sari. Instead he tries to convince her that one of the other shades would look better on her.

Another shopkeeper might react differently. When asked for an olive green sari, he says, “One minute.” Then he whispers something to his assistant. The assistant takes off and returns a few minutes later with five olive green saris that he has brought from a neighboring shop. In this case, the shopkeeper, in place of saying no, produces what the customer wants.

Then there is the third kind of shopkeeper. This person, knowing full well that he has no olive green saris nor any that he can produce from elsewhere, instead of saying no, just tells the customer that he will get them “tomorrow.” When the woman comes back the next day, he again says that he will have them “tomorrow”. Only when the poor lady has been given a third or fourth “tomorrow” for an answer does she realize that “tomorrow” is the closest the shopkeeper can come to saying “no”.

Indian perception of time is also different from that of an American. When an Indian says “ten minutes”, it usually means at least half an hour. This, combined with the lack of refusal can be frustrating indeed for someone who is not used to the Indian way of doing things.

A manager asks a new employee if he can handle a particular project and asks the employee to set a deadline himself. The employee, eager to please his new boss and of course limited by his inability to refuse, says “yes” and that he will complete the project in two days. But in truth, the employee has little experience with the subject of the project. So he has to take the time to learn what the project is about before actually working on it. As a result he takes a week to complete it.

It is worse if the communication is over the telephone instead of face-to-face, as intelligent interpretations cannot be made based on a person’s demeanor or facial expression. Let’s say a man calls a repair shop to have his motorcycle fixed. The proprietor tells him that he will send his assistant over right away. The customer hangs up and waits for the assistant. There is no sign of him even after 30 minutes. The customer calls the shop. The proprietor once again assures him that he will be there shortly. After waiting for another 30 minutes, the customer calls back angrily. Only now does the proprietor explain that the assistant has not yet reported in to work, but that he was due to arrive at any time. He had hoped that the boy would come in soon and that he would not have to disappoint the customer.

Whether it is while giving directions or catering to a customer or answering a manager, the dilemma of saying no always comes up. I think Indians believe that saying no to someone is very unkind. They will go to great lengths to avoid saying no. Often it is highly disadvantageous to themselves and sometimes it is also distressing to the other person, although unintended. But unfortunately they are tuned that way. So it is only natural that Indians do not have a nonverbal way of saying no. They don’t need it.

Editor: Nisha Giri

The India survival Kit is divided into four sections:

I) Cultural tips for newcomers to India

II) Doing business in India

III) An American's diary

IV) Street English in India: Indian English and the Indian way of communication

Chillibreeze's disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article.