Vipassana: An Experience

chillibreeze writer — Ruchi Mathur

IMAGINE DOING THIS FOR TEN DAYS and tell me if your spine tingles. NO talking, NO reading or writing, NO communication with the outside world - no newspapers, TV, radio, letters, books and NO alcohol, smoking or sex.

Only eating, sleeping and sitting in silence hour after hour - meditating.

!!!

You may be excused for thinking that these are the conditions of a high security prison. So do some of the participants of the ten day Vipassana course, especially in the first few days!

Attracted? Psyched?

For me, it was both.

Apart from the stringent conditions mentioned above, I baulked at the thought of sitting on the floor without a backrest for ten hours a day. I didn’t think I could do it. Then there was the small matter of there being no dinner - just light snacks! I saw sleepless nights ahead with me lying on my stomach and suppressing rumbles of hunger.

But then I reasoned that if meditation could have come to me without disrupting normal life, it would have come to me long ago. I had been dabbling in it for years, with no significant progress. It made sense to work actively towards a more conducive environment. I was trying to achieve something big, so why fret over these ‘small’ issues?

Thus it was that on the 1st of January, 2009 (yes, I sure started the year right) I registered for the course. It turned out to be the start of a fantastic 10-day journey. There was sustained interest, there was drama, there was immense learning and as if that were not enough, discoveries large and small kept popping up along the way.

The first thing I discovered ....well, the first thing I discovered was the rat in my bed but more of that later! The first significant discovery was that I could actually do this meditation thing if I tried hard enough. This eureka moment happened on the morning of the first day, when we had to focus on our breathing. We had to be aware of our natural breath, aware of it flowing in and out of our nostrils, aware of the touch of the air. I found that I could keep my mind on this for maybe half a minute at a time, before it flew off somewhere else. But that itself was an achievement and I intended to build upon it.

And there was ample opportunity to do so, sitting hour after hour for 9 and a half hours each day. If it seems tiresome to have to sit for this long and do nothing but be aware of your breath, consider this - that’s the only way to start getting the hang of meditation! Try sitting still for an hour each day and see if you can meditate for even a minute at a time. Personally, I had been trying this for ages, but my mind kept wandering. The truth is, if you really want to take a shot at training your mind, there is no short-cut. Enrolling for this course compelled me to do nothing but sit hour after hour, day after day, whilst trying to focus my mind. The result? I can’t claim that I came close to deep meditation, but I acquired the confidence that I would be able to get there eventually. And I improved hugely from where I had been - enough to be able to do Vipassana, which we started learning at the end of the 4th day. That is good enough for me!

I was excited about learning Vipassana, firstly because of its lineage - the technique dates back to over 2500 years ago; when the Buddha taught it (I should add here that it is fully secular in its approach). Also, I had read up on the technique before joining the course1 and two things in particular intrigued me deeply.

One, that there was a tangible experience one could expect from the course. There were descriptions of previous participants experiencing and letting go of several sensations which lead to negative emotions such as fear and anger, from their body. That is, they actually felt these sensations stored inside their body, dredged them and let them flow out! The sensations were of various kinds...heat/ throbbing/ pressure/ pain etc. This offloading of negative baggage was achieved only through meditation and self-observation. It seemed fascinating and attractive. Moreover, it seemed eminently feasible, because there appeared to be a coherent science behind it. Clearly, this was a course where practical experience went side-by-side with theory.

Two: the payoff. Even with a methodology which seemed fairly feasible, the payoff promised the moon! Vipassana is ultimately about the healing of human suffering including, for those who believe in it, the reduction of negative karma. An important step towards this is to be aware of reality and accept it with equanimity. ‘Vipassana’ means, to see things as they really are. Further, you learn how to act on the basis of, and not react to, reality. For example, you may recognize the physical sensation of heat/ throbbing and learn not to react to it with anger. Having learnt to do this, it is hoped that the next time you are confronted with a real-life situation which arouses such a sensation, you do not react blindly with anger. The trick is to observe the sensation without reacting with strong likes (craving) or dislikes (aversion). Thus it does not have a chance to develop into an emotion that can overwhelm you; it simply passes away. The mind remains balanced and peaceful and can anticipate being thus in all situations.

Needless to say, I was convinced there must be huge amounts of negative sensations accumulated in my body, and I was looking forward to tackling them! Jokes apart, I was keen to learn how to meditate and hoped that I would get some part of these possible pay-offs.

The course not only met my expectations, it exceeded them wildly. First of all I got a meditation technique that has concrete steps and is therefore very do-able, with sincerity and persistence. Also, as expected, the course integrated theory with practice – literally on a daily basis. The evening discourse explained the theory behind the technique that was practiced during the day. What I did not expect was, the way I got amazingly in touch with the physical sensations in my body. It was a revelation to explore and discard enormous amounts of negativity that I had been carrying around. And more amazing still, was my capacity to deal with the experience. I kept aware and equanimous almost throughout. I felt inner peace and strength. Since the course, I have improved a lot as far as reacting objectively to situations is concerned. I also understood the physical reason why I have a tendency to day-dream (you will have to write back and ask me about it if you want to know) and felt a determination and ability to live in the present, that I didn’t have before. I was mentally and physically changed and intensely refreshed by the end of the course.

Something else I did not expect was the serenity. The vow of silence, coupled with the open, green surroundings, enabled each of us to reach within. And the center arranges everything in a way that offers participants the maximum opportunity to meditate. Lodging and boarding are provided for. There is nothing to do but eat, attend to personal hygiene, meditate and sleep. It’s a beautiful, serene dream. In this scenario, keeping silence is absurdly easy and natural. In fact, I was grateful for the stipulation because if the participants talked to each other, our minds would be full of various kinds of thoughts and we would have been too distracted to meditate.

The strict code of moral conduct – no killing (well, this one is not really ‘strict’!), stealing, lying, sexual activity and intoxicants for the period of the course - serves to calm the mind. Any unwholesome action results in agitating the mind by causing cravings and aversions, and then meditation is not possible. As I understand it, the idea is to live akin to a monk/ nun in order to derive maximum benefit. But whilst on the one hand, participants have to promise abstinence; the organization also puts its money where its mouth is. Believe it or not, participants are not allowed to pay for the course. A monk’s only means of livelihood is begging/ living off the charity of others. Else the ego comes into play. Therefore, participants in the course must live off the charity of others! For example, if you pay ‘x’ amount, you may end up evaluating the quality of food being served, the living quarters or the nature of the course. By not paying anything, you are inclined to humbly accept whatever is being offered and not let your ego come in the way. Which is why, nobody can pay for their course. One can’t help but respect the organization for this! If anyone wants to make a donation afterwards, they are welcome to do so.

On a lighter vein - apart from the learning, there is plenty of entertainment. To begin with I found it fairly interesting to be in a group of 20 women who had to co-ordinate having breakfast and their bath, with 4 bathrooms available, between 630 a.m. and 715 a.m., without talking or gesturing!

The most dramatic moment was when I was trying to sleep on the first night...and heard a scratching, rustling noise. My first thought was, there goes my stomach. My stomach rumbles when it is hungry...and this was the first night, when those hunger pangs were still strong. I was starting to feel embarrassed about my dormitory mates hearing me, when the sound came again. This time I realized it was from an external source. There were fields just outside my window and I wondered if a snake had gotten in below the bed. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, I forbore to look below the bed and instead made sure that my mosquito net was tucked in securely. When I next put my head onto the pillow, I could swear the rustling seemed to be coming from under the pillow. So I lifted up the pillow...and viola...there was this small rat suddenly uncovered!!! Instead of rats in my stomach, there was a rat under my pillow!!! I am proud to say that I did not deviate from my vow of silence. I silently got off the bed, tucked the rat into the net, and went off in search of another place to sleep.

Incidentally, 2 days is all it took for my stomach to adjust to the food timings. In the final analysis, the only perceived hurdle that proved difficult was sitting for ten hours each day. The only encouraging thing to be said about that is that it gets easier towards the end!

Overall, I found the Vipassana experience to be a huge discovery. Of myself and a philosophy of life. It marks a turning point, if not the turning point of my life. It is said that when you are ready for something, you get pushed in that direction in several ways. That’s what happened to me. I found myself at the course almost before I realised that I had decided to go for it. And though I went to learn a meditation technique, what I got out of it was that and much more.

For all those who are sitting on the fence, wondering whether to take this course or not, my heartfelt advice is, go for it. What have you got to lose? A few kilos around the waist, perhaps, with the healthy diet? Now that’s what I call killing two birds with one stone!

Chillibreeze's disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article.

Out of 5 “chilies”, our editorial team gave this article...

—About our writer:

This post graduate from the prestigious Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad has quit the rat race and taken up a career in freelance writing. Ruchi says “I am a dreamer and an adventurer. Being an adventurer helps fulfill my dreams! I want to slow down my pace of life to one that allows time for pleasures big and small..... family, friends, nature, outdoor activities, traveling, reflection, learning varied skills, reading, writing... and just laughing and ‘being’!”"

Vipassana: An Experience

>> Read more articles written by Chillibreeze writers: