Lessons I've Learned as a
Returnee NRI

chillibreeze writer — Anjali Nair

I've been a non resident Indian (NRI) for 19 of my 26 years and to be honest, it's been a mixed blessing. I was born in Lusaka, Zambia, and when I was three, my family moved to Muscat, Oman, lured by better economic prospects. My sister and I lived our childhood in a kind of limbo, shuttling between the land that our parents had adopted for us and the land that they had left behind but never actually let go of. It was as if India had been recreated in Oman, in our schools and our homes, where we remained always aloof from the rest of the population, unless of course they were Indian.

The favorite past time of all NRIs is discussing the merits and demerits of 'back home' and I grew up with a paradoxical love-hate relationship towards India. My first experience of life in India was when I did my B.A. in Bangalore. As luck, (read: my father) would have it, despite having received admission into American and Canadian colleges I went to Bangalore to study. Perhaps it had something to do with my parents' desire that I connect to my roots or perhaps they were too afraid to send their strong-willed daughter so far away from supervision, but whatever the underlying cause, I found myself in Christ College, living a life that was in no way connected to the dreams of college that I had while growing up in conservative Oman.

I got my chance at freedom, as I saw it, in 2005, when I earned a scholarship to pursue my Masters degree in France. The two years that I spent there were amazing to say the least, but that's another story. It wasn't my original intention to come back to India; I felt pressured to prove that I had been successful in life by finding a means to continue living abroad. My family had never been particularly supportive of my plans but the thought of my returning to India horrified them. Friends who had never gone abroad expressed their admiration and envy that I was in the 'civilized' world, and sighed with the hope of one day making it big. However an irritatingly persistent voice inside of me kept whispering that something was going wrong, although I was hard pressed to figure out what it was.

It drove me crazy until I acknowledged (in a fit of tears) that what I really wanted to do was go home and take a break, take stock of my life and how I was living it. And despite all my efforts to remain in Europe, that is exactly what happened. In October of 2007, my French visa expired, and I was back in Bangalore, the only place in India I could call home. My seven year on and off stint in India has been filled with some tears and frustration but even more learning and joy. In fact, I think I've learnt some of the most important lessons of my life right here.

Go with the flow. Life has its own rhythm. There are things and events way beyond your control and at times, you simply have to give in to a higher power. Whether it's getting your bank statement released or missing an appointment because you misjudged the traffic or having the weather interfere with your carefully planned vacation, there is always the chance of the unexpected catching you unawares. And I love this. Even though sometimes it causes me grief, it's actually refreshing to realize that the world doesn't revolve around me.

Make friends with the locals, they'll probably end up saving your life and your wallet.
Having a good support system goes a long way. The most important thing that helped me through my teething troubles was the group of close friends that I was lucky to have. They introduced me to an India that I had never seen in my brief summer vacations, and gave me an education I had missed out on. I don't know how I would have coped in my college years without my sister who treated me to choice delicacies like Wai Wai noodles and Corner House ice cream, or my friends who introduced me to 'Gandhi class', the now extinct demarcation of cheap cinema hall seats, expressly created, I feel, for poverty ridden college students. They also helped ease me into a way of life that was totally alien to me, while never letting on to how inept they knew I was. Yes, I probably could have survived without them, but it would have been a much drearier experience.

Speak the speech, I pray thee. Knowing a local language or one's mother tongue is essential. Many NRIs (and quite a few resident Indians) have been brought up to ignore their mother tongues for a variety of reasons, and I feel that this is the biggest disservice parents can do to their children. A lot of people believe that learning English is essential for personal success, and unfortunately that's become a standard by which many are judged. But not only is there a wealth of knowledge and wisdom acquired over centuries that one remains unaware of, it's simply impossible to truly appreciate a place or a people without speaking the language. You'll always remain an outsider, looking in on a world that you cannot be a part of. Learning a new language is fun when it comes to Spanish or Italian or French, so why not Telugu or Marathi or Kannada? If you're going to live in this country, then respect the people in it and adapt.

Find your own truth. There are as many Indias as there are Indians. Everyone's reality is different, despite them living in the same place. It's either a land gone to the dogs or a rising super power, depending on what news item the papers choose to run with. See it for yourself, don't blindly make assumptions about any country or its people. I always thought that I had to go abroad to widen my horizons, but in this single past year in India, I've met so many people who've shared their stories with me and changed my perspective on life. Everyone has something to teach you, it just depends on how willing you are to listen.

You decide who you are, so choose wisely. Your identity is what you make of it. It doesn't come from the place you live in, or the language you speak, or the food that you eat, though all of this influences you. If we could see past the identities that we create for ourselves - Indian, foreigner, upper class, illiterate - and just started looking at each other as human beings, I think we'd all be better off.

Pay it forward. Several NRIs have returned to India because they felt a desire to share the goodness of what they had experienced with their countrymen. Many others return and isolate themselves from their communities, trying to hold on to a way of life they experienced abroad. I'm not one to preach, but I do believe that if you've found a way to better your situation, then paying it forward is the greatest thing you can do. This goes for Indians as well. You don't have to start an NGO or involve yourself in politics, but if you want you can always find a way to help the community you live in. The responsibility to change how we live lies with each one of us, no matter what the color of our skin or where we live. We can always shut our eyes and ignore the problems that are creeping up on us, but in the end we all live on the same planet and what affects one of us will affect the lot of us, which brings me to the most important thing I've learned.

Scratch the surface and you'll find a human being underneath all the wrappings.
No matter what our race, religion, culture or upbringing, we're all human and at the end of the day, there is no difference. Every country has things to be proud of and actions it should be ashamed of. Every person on the planet wants the same thing, the chance to live a happy and fulfilling life. And we're all struggling to make that happen, for ourselves and the people we love. Maybe it's time to stop looking at how different we are, and start focusing on the things that bring us together.

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Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in October, 2010. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.

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—About our writer:

Armed with a bachelor's degree in Journalism and Psychology and a master's in International Relations from France, Anjali Nair set out to revolutionize the world, only to realize that she needed to start with herself. Inspired by the people and places she encounters on her travels through the world, she is now nurturing her creative potential through dance and theatre while continuing her love affair with the written word.

Lessons I've Learned as a Returnee NRI

chillibreeze writer — Anjali Nair

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Lessons I've Learned as a
Returnee NRI