They Still Miss India

chillibreeze writer — Suman Singh

They may have left home for various reasons, to study abroad and get their degrees, or to pursue careers when there weren’t many opportunities in India for women, or simply because married men living abroad. Whatever their reasons, most NRI women are all living out their destinies, far away from India, in various parts of the world. Many have become citizens or permanent residents of the various countries they migrated to. However, India still remains a part of their consciousness, probably because they were born and raised in India.

No matter when they left Indian shores, in the sixties, nineties or just lately, they took along with them the fascinating sounds, smells, tastes and the colors of their home country with them. These memories are so ingrained into their psyche that it makes it difficult for them to forget their roots.

“The one thing I miss about India is the family, especially parents, as they are still around. It is they who make me retain the ties with India more than anything. I have held off my travels around the world because I get one chance a year to visit the parents and all I literally do when I come here, is spend time with them”, says Ira Pant, who has been abroad for the last 22 years and who presently lives in Adelaide, Australia. Echoing the same sentiment is Subuhi Aksari who lives in Toronto, Canada: “What I miss most badly about India and what makes me want to come again and again is my mother.’

Mandeep Khara Hans says she doesn’t really miss India much because she went to Canada only in 2004, and she feels there is enough of India in Toronto, but she wishes her parents were there too. “I don't have any family here and sometimes you want a place where you can go to without any hassles and formalities. That place can only be your parents’ place.”

Meeta Bora Singh lives and works in Houston, Texas and being the eldest of three siblings, feels that she is too far away and cannot be with her parents when they are sick or with her siblings when there is a happy occasion to celebrate. “I wish I could be in India with my friends and family making memories together and reliving the golden memories of yesteryears!”

Dr. Alka Srivatava, who came to the USA in 1986 and who now has her own pediatric practice in Oakpark, Illinois says she feels she has missed out on family life. “I would have liked to have been there to share the joys and sorrows of the family and friends that were so instrumental in how we shaped our thoughts and ideas. What I miss is the connection I’ve lost with these people.”

No matter which country they are now living in, what these women also miss is the ‘warmth and spontaneity’ in relationships in India. There may be websites out there that cater to the ‘Desi’ woman like www.desimahila.com, www.Indusladies.com, www.sulekha.com or www.garamchai.com to give these women a sense of community and a common platform to discuss the things that affect them. But these sites do not give them that sense of camaraderie that comes from socializing with real people. “Though Indians are good here too but somehow the closeness you feel with people out there is different. We can meet anytime. I feel people have time for each other in India, at least in smaller towns where I come from. Everybody in India I feel is so loving, caring and makes you feel so special. There is a personal touch to everything.” Says Mekhla Agarwal, who has been in New Jersey since the past 16 years and who helps her husband with his Marble and Granite business.

All of them miss that sense of ‘just barging in’ at any time to meet friends and family knowing well that they will always be welcome. The spur of the moment decisions of “lets go and have chaat” or even just hanging out and not doing anything, simply chatting about everything under the sun. The unannounced evening visits by friends and relatives is something they don’t get abroad. This can happen only in India says Alka, “showing up at the wrong address and still being asked to come in and being served tea and snacks.”

Besides family and friends, food is the next most commonly missed thing. The chaat of the thele wala still makes their mouths water. “Gol gappe and aloo chaat’ Yum! The food out there comes in varieties and the taste is also so different. There are many food items you get here now but the taste does not have the taste of India!” They miss the mithaiwala too - the simple pleasure of buying sweetmeats at a neighbourhood shop, knowing exactly which item tastes the best.

For Tanushree, a student pursuing her Hotel Management in Le Roches, Switzerland, who also does a lot of traveling in the six months she’s not studying, says that besides food, it is “freedom” that she misses the most. By freedom she means the feeling that you belong, the freedom of being home. You are not on your guard, you are not afraid that maybe you’ll land up saying something that will not go down too well. “There is no other place in the world that has such chaotic multi-ethnicity, yet such harmony.” There is so much understanding about each other whether its religion, tastes, norms, but here one is afraid to make a slip. “Indians by far can laugh at themselves and each other far more than any other ethnicity. Here, you always have to be careful”, says Alka Srivastava.

“Whatever we treasure, are the nostalgic memories of the India we left behind a long time ago,” says Mitan Sidhu who lives in the US. For some, it is the Indian streets, with their chaotic mayhem. Nowhere else in the world will a scooter and biker collide, in the middle of the street, each get up, brush off and climb on back and get going to wherever they were going, nowhere else will a young man jump out of his car in a traffic jam and start to direct traffic to decongest the jam. “These maybe called the ‘NRI moments’ but to them “this is the vibrant pulsating India”.

Some others miss the calls of the hawkers in the by-lanes, the raddiwala, the pheriwala, the street urchins playing cricket on an already crowded street are all sights of home that come into their minds often For others, it is the presence of servants in the house who were so much a part of the family. Some also miss the colourful festivals, “which bound us together culturally”. “The most exhilarating feeling is when I take a deep breath, as soon as I get off the plane, as if to enrich the blood flowing in my veins with the air of my beloved India,” says Subuhi. All these sights, smells and sounds lend credence to that something which was home once and for many just a distant memory as they have no reasons to visit India anymore.

Many of these very successful women feel that they lack being able to fully belong to any one of these countries. Mithan feels that they are misfits now. “The India we left has changed and so have we, thus we don't quite fit in.” Alka on the other hand feels that they have missed out on a lot because “what got taken away, by moving and becoming an NRI, is the ability to grow with the history, to continue to be part of the fabric, to feel and sense the growth, to belong really.” They feel they are no longer a part of the history of India now. This sense of not belonging is what is hard for them to come to terms with and so they continue to hold India to their hearts.

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Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in March, 2011. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.

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—About our writer:

Suman Singh lives in Nainital. She is a teacher and a writer. Her fiction for women and children and articles have been published in magazines and newspapers in India including‘Reader’s Digest’ India. Her poetry has found place in ‘The Brown Critique’, ‘Quest’ and in an anthology ‘Rendezvous’. She also writes for ‘Teacherplus’, a magazine for teachers.

They Still Miss India

chillibreeze writer — Suman Singh

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