Expat Living and Childbirth:
A Grandmother tells about her visit to Bangalore, India

chillibreeze writer — Sylvia Perkins

March 7 through April 1, 1999, Bangalore, India, by Sylvia Perkins

When I arrived on March 7, 1999 the day before Joanna's baby-due-date, we were happy that no indication of the birth had yet occurred so that I could recover from jet lag and so that we could get the house in order like hemming curtains for three rooms; getting familiar with the household for cooking, ordering food to be delivered from the store, filtering water, using the mosquito netting for sleeping, harvesting vegetables, unpacking and sorting the baby clothes and assembling the bed that Jane had given her. Getting to know the new young maid Rajeswari continues but that is another story.

The large box containing the big Baby jogger, the "Baby Showers" gift from friends at home, was stuffed with as many disposable diapers as Jane and I could cram into it. This feat was done at the LAX airport as soon as the luggage was weighed, allowing for just a few more pounds. Filling the list that Joanna had sent from food, office and baby items had met the luggage requirement limit and left almost no room for my personal clothes.

Arrived at the Bangalore Airport after the over-26-hour trip on Singapore and Indian Airlines to find the Budelmans' good friends, Shibu and K.C. waiting to take me home in a cute antique looking English taxi. To the strains of chanting and Hindu music coming from a nearby temple, I received a warm welcome from Joanna and Ralph in their nice home in the countryside outside of the big polluted city of Bangalore with 5 million inhabitants.

They're the first to rent the clean spacious home with a living room, kitchen, 2 bathrooms for the 2 bedrooms (one soon to become the new home-office) Floors are white ceramic tiles throughout and if it were not for plastic screens that prohibit the flow of air, it might even be cross-ventilated (afternoons reach 93 degrees inside the house). Each room has a large ceiling fan and some are installed in bedroom windows as well. The kitchen has a two-burner gas cooker and toaster oven and lacks hot water but I am learning to do without such conveniences.

The walled in garden is nicely planted, bougainvilla climbing up on the masonry walls, banana trees and lots of vegetables providing daily fresh salads of tomatoes, several kinds of lettuce, herbs and more to come. Besides weeding and watering Ralph chases "bandicoots" (giant rats) and snakes out. He has made excellent use of the many packages of seeds sent by mail from family members. I now have the opportunity to know some of their other needs that we can supply.

The flat roof is nice for hanging out the laundry which is done with the new scrub board brought from Mexico. Comparisons were made for washing clothes, especially "nappies" (diapers): this way or with an automatic washer which would be not only expensive, small and inefficient but the water supply and drainage may not be adequate. So we made sure the diapers would be soaked in hot water before washing and bought large plastic tubs for rinsing 3 times!

Most of the dirt streets around here seem to wander off haphazardly into the countryside and have deep ruts and bumps. They are probably much easier to navigate with a scooter than with a car but I wonder what will happen during the monsoon season. Wherever we look we see large slabs of granite roughly cut for making walls around gardens or little houses. Quarries are everywhere also brick-making yards with strange methods for baking.

Joanna and Ralph work at keeping me awake and getting my biological clock to normalcy again so we went for our first walk. The neighbors all seem curious as to what Joanna's "mommy" is like. We were invited into a home for afternoon tea where the mother, jayama lives with her 2 single sons and 3 sons with their wives. Her one married daughter lives with her husband's family--a common practice here. They live on their 20-acre rice farm provided with water from a lake formed from an old quarry. This family later invited me to celebrate their private Hindu festival of Ugati (from which I have many pictures).

I had thought of exploring the small Catholic Church a few blocks away until I heard a neighbor tell of her son encountering a large cobra snake near it and running away from it but still has nightmares about the incident.

My courage did build up, however, to the point where I attended Mass there on Palm Sunday accompanied reluctantly by Rajeshwari. She did get bored, climbed over a waIl and left me there.

Almost immediately upon arriving here, I couldn't help but notice that all Indians seemed "wobble-headed". Even Joanna shakes her head sideways and sort of up and down at the same time when talking to them. I took it for meaning “no” but it actually means “yes” – can’t seem to get used to that.

On Monday, my second day here, I accompanied Joanna to the Bangalore Baptist Hospital where she was seen by Dr. Pretti who suggested that they might induce labor by next Monday if nothing changes. The baby's heart rate was monitored and an appointment was made for Thursday.

Traveling into the city the next day behind Ralph on his scooter proved to be "dangerously exciting" for me. It was impressive how he managed to squeeze between holy, cows, big buses, auto rickshaws, dozens of other scooters and carts pulled by pairs of oxen. These had vertical horns brightly painted and tipped with clusters of bells.

Holding my breath, closing my eyes and uttering quick prayers, we managed to cover quite a few kilometers to exchange travelers' cheques and several other errands, mainly to show me where to go later when I could shop and sight-see. We had lunch in an Andra Pradesh restaurant where the spicy hot food was served on a banana leaf. The absence of a fork to eat with was significant! What I witnessed today surely could never be seen by the average tourist!

All through this visit I must say that the most impressive sight for me is of the beautiful sarees with hanging pallu and salwar kameez with dupitas that all of the ladies wear no matter who they are or where they're going. They're all fashioned exactly alike but all so different, too, in their choices of wonderful fabrics, exquisite colors and prints-no two alike! Even the women doing heavy work on highway construction wear sarees, often carrying bowls of broken granite on their heads. The men often wear lungies which are beginning to make sense in this climate--in the city I've seen some businessmen wearing sport coats with these "skirts".

Joanna was seen on Thursday by Dr. Thankum who said because she was almost 36 years old and considered to be a high risk and because the baby was late, she should check into the hospital tonight and begin with inducing labor tomorrow. I stayed home while Ralph took her in by taxi but joined her the next morning for what was going to be the next six days. They began with jells to cause her to dilate and later pills for inducing. She was quite discouraged on Saturday morning when still nothing had changed-until that afternoon.

She was taken into the one private labor room when contractions started and Ralph and I were both allowed to be with her. What a sight it was to see her individual doctors and later all four female obstetricians together march into the room, all wearing their beautiful sarees, lots of bangles on their arms, rings on their toes in barefoot sandals, spots on their foreheads, and long black hair, some adorned with fresh flowers.

Of course, we were very concerned with Joanna's proper breathing, relaxing and everything else that the book, The Gift of Motherhood, called for the support person to do but when one of the doctors noticed the book, they all became interested and asked me about it - all but dear Ralph who did not abandon her! Joanna's perspective of that scenario was a bit different... she remembers a room full of nurses and four doctors talking about the book, their children, and chatting continuously like typical women. When I saw Dr. Susan put on that big rubber apron (over her sari), I thought this is it! Still Joanna did not dilate and during contractions, the heart rate would slow down indicating distress and that the cord may be wrapped around the baby's neck, they told us.

Finally at 9:15pm, Joanna was taken to surgery and a caesarean section was performed. That room, alas, was being remodeled so when she was wheeled in, the painters stopped their work to watch Joanna had been instructed not to push and continue to control her contractions through deep breathing. She recalled feeling as if her head was in a paint bucket inhaling toxic paint fumes as the doctors searched for instruments that the painters had moved. Ralph managed to snap a few quick pictures so we know that the doctors did have their ubiquitous tea while Joanna was being prepped in another room.

We were told to wait outside that room, where we would worry and pray. Ralph decided and I agreed that he run over to fetch Dr. Naylor from her apartment nearby. She had just arrived that morning from the U.S. and had been asleep for one hour. Ralph was assured that Dr. Susan was quite capable and surely into the surgery by now so he returned without her. Just minutes later (while he was still calling people to pray) at 9:35pm, Saturday, March 13,1999, the precious baby girl, weighing 8.25 lbs and 20" long was brought out to our room. Wonderful! Joanna was also doing well. Thank God!

These first few moments in the room were so emotional! First, the nurses simply left the baby there with Ralph and me, still covered with blood and stuff as babies are not bathed at night! Also, she breathed with such a rattle that I called for help and the pediatrician came to "wash" out her stomach which he repeated twice again later. That was the last time she spit up and doesn't even slobber to this date.

Wonder what Ralph would have done had he been alone now he was just laughing so happily. The new father from next door ran in and lifted Ralph as high-­their way of congratulation. I was delighted to be there! Joanna was then brought in and their little family was complete.

We're all happy to be back home now although Joanna has headaches and is uncomfortable from the surgery but time will heal. We all worry sometimes about our baby crying too much or not enough, sleeping too much or not enough. We take lots of pictures--something Ralph said he would never do. I remember his saying" Jane is always taking pictures of her kids, like they’re movie stars or something". We entertain visitors and show off our beautiful baby. Still hoping to fmd the perfect name…We've even had visitors from India who now live in the U.S. and who I met when they were students at USL almost 10 years ago.

Although I find life here very interesting, I have had a difficult time with the heat! Actually I was ill for two days as I became dehydrated and needed medication. I did learn the necessity of drinking lots more water. What a time for the new water filter to quit working! Bottles and bottles of water were delivered on scooters to the house until Ralph discovered a solution for the problem – tastes better, too.

Apart from my grandmotherly duties here, I was guided by Priya’s sister Rachna to go shopping downtown. We covered the popular tourist shops on Commercial Street, Mahatma Gandhi Rd, brigade Rd, Infantry Rd, all during almost ten hours of shopping, having lunch at the only Peshwari restaurant in Bangalore Kabul. We changed my return ticket on Singapore Airlines in order to be with Jane for her surgery in San Diego next week.

Several days later I went again alone while my trusty driver Bije. I feel safer in his “tank-like” taxi, a 1990 Ambassador Nova. Unfortunately, the Muslim shopkeepers were having a holiday and I was unable to buy some of the beautiful items I had seen before. Still I spent another whole day shopping and did buy myself a sari, a salwar kameez and other textiles. It was recommended that I eat in a hotel penthouse restaurant, the Ebony. In the elevator to the 13th floor, I met a young Hindu couple who shared by table, much to my enjoyment and even bought my lunch. I had Parsee food: Boneless Pomphret (fish) steamed in a banana leaf with mint chutney, served with delicious Vegetable Pulao and Raitha. I also tasted their Dahl Makhani. Next door to the restaurant was a supermarket, Food World, so while my interest in food was peaked, I stocked up on many items to take home where I intend to prepare Indian meals (but less spicy) and wearing my new clothes bangles and all.

I did find a way to beat the heat. It had been recommended that Joanna get massages after childbirth, a common practice and usually done every day for 40 days. One day I also tried it. Gamora, the very strong masseuse from the nearby village, not only gave me a full massage, but a facial and head massage, too. This was followed by her giving me a bath with lots of water almost hotter than I could bear poured over my head Hard to believe but I actually felt cooler although the temperature in the house is over 92 degrees. This daily massage costs $1.20 for each of us-never in the States!

Again Bijy hit the shopping area (Commercial St. and M.G. Road, etc) where I purchased a small silk rug from Kashmir, a sari from Orissa and a salwar kameez from Andra Pradesh, etc. plus a few bangles and textiles. In a few minutes, on this my last day, I will get a haircut, manicure, pedicure and have my legs waxed, another first (plus a few more errands for the house while I have the taxi at my command).

It is true that I did not get to see much of this immense country but from a comfortable chair at the computer I took a "Multimedia Journey of India" on a C.D. Rom ­right here in Joanna's home. I feel so grateful to be able to come here and see how part of my family lives, helping me just a bit more to accept the lifestyle they have chosen. However, I still want them to come home, especially with this wonderful baby (only wish she had a name).

 

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—About our writer:

Sylvia Perkins lives part of the year in Ajijic, Mexico with her husband Hal and enjoys writing about the local culture and the wonderful people there.