Meditation - What's the Pressure?

chillibreeze writer — Naina Kapur

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. Finally, I lay flat on my back, closed my eyes and imagined myself lying on a mattress of intense white light. At some point, I simply drifted off. My sleep was both deep and peaceful.

That was my meditation.

The image is not one many would perceive as meditative. This is why it’s common to hear people say, “Meditation?? I don’t have the time.” “It’s self-indulgent.” “My mind can’t keep still.” “There’s so much more to think about in my day.”

Such responses, while real, are burdened with the idea that meditation is pressure. Why?

One reason is because we fixate on form – stillness, discipline, focus and silence. While these may be elementary tools for a basic practice, form itself is not meditation. In fact, sometimes form stereotypes meditation.

So what is meditation? Technically it means “to reflect”, “to ponder”. A more apt meaning for me is “to become aware”. Of our daily life, a present action, a negative thought, a hidden fear, a pattern. For example, suppose you drive your child to school in the morning. The traffic is bad. You curse the car in front, frustrate over that extended red light and agonize over being late. You’re stressed. You’ve ignored your child. Even s/he’s stressed. Everyone on route has become either your enemy or your obstacle. Events have overwhelmed you.

Now. Suppose you drive to school and substitute your knee-jerk reactions with a thoughtful response. In that space you listen to the radio, talk with your child, notice your surroundings and enjoy the drive. Events become an opportunity. You enter your day more peaceful, more present and more conscious. And you radiate that response to those around you. That awareness is meditation. Where’s the pressure?

Well, for some, meditation is also laced with an underlying fear- that of ‘letting go’. Letting go of assumptions, patterns, beliefs or habits. No doubt, the goal of awareness is conscious action. And conscious action means being aware of ‘how’ we do something. Do I yell at the car in front or get to know my child better? In that choice is the potential for change.

Before meditation discovered me, my self-image was about name and fame. The pressure to sustain that was hugely stressful. Despite knowing this, I didn’t let go. In fact, I spent 20 years holding on! Ironically meditation was the real art of discovering me. My old self-image no longer seemed worth the stress. Once I got out of my own way, I found limitless space for an intuitive skill and creative spark I had long denied. Cliché as it sounds, I found myself.

Fear of ‘letting go’ is a mind game. That’s the pressure. Meditation is release. That’s the truth. And it’s how I discovered my mattress can convincingly be made of pure white light.

I’m off to meditate now.

Goodnight.

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—About our writer:

Naina,

Having grown up in Canada, Naina has lived and worked in India for the last 22 years as a lawyer, leadership and equality educator, Director of Sakshi (NGO) and self-development process trainor. Through her vast experience nationally and internationally, she is currently extending her abilities into creative writing, photography, film and art.

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