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The Day I Met Myself
On this day 14 years ago, my Bhalo Dadu passed away. On this day, after over a decade I suddenly met myself. I was always around but got lost somewhere in my everyday mundane chores, got buried under the numerous roles that I adorn that of a daughter, wife, boss, and soulmate. Over the years, my face had become blurred with the harsh lights of a busy corporate life. I no longer remembered the real me - no longer missed her presence. As one can only feel the absence of someone, or something if one pauses for a while, ponders, dwells, reminisces. I had no time for any kind of personal reflections or ‘soul searching’ - I was too caught up with living my life for others. The real me was always there. In the deep recesses of my soul, suppressed, till I found her again today. After over a decade. Memories. My childhood Memories. They are like power boosters to me – an energy drink. I draw a lot of strength from them. On this day 14 years ago my Bhalo Dadu passed away. Bhalo Dadu, my maternal granddad was a person who according to me was like the Buddha himself. He was calm, patient, and I in 17 years that I had known him, had never lost his temper even once! There’s a story which I have heard from him and my family that as a child he was known to be quite belligerent. At the age of 14, he met a Sadhu who upon seeing him said in the first instance, “Come, let me take away your anger”. And apparently, from that very moment he has never for even once lost his temper. I am not a great believer of such ‘powers’, but as a child, I was quite over the moon as whenever I indulged in some impish mischief, Dadu never scolded me! Dadu was very good with his hands. Apart from having a green thumb he could create anything – be it a radio, a wooden boat, a bird cage, or a garden full of flowers. Because of this talent of his, he was a delight to all children. Some of my much loved memories of yesteryears are with him. Memories of wearing his ‘ganjee’ and ‘eejaer’(boxer shorts) and prancing around the house, memories of the sickeningly sweet smell of the Jaba Kusum hair oil with which he used to run after me, memories of the first time when he showed me the planets through his telescope, and I screamed in fear, ‘ I do not want to see Venus!!’, as it was like a giant glowing globule coming to devour me! Memories of stealing his syringes with which he used to water the plants and spraying the 11 pet cats with water the whole afternoon when everyone was asleep, only to find out later that Dadu knew all along and kept mum only to enjoy the crazy antics of his grand daughter. Memories of me looking at him eat in absolute awe as he always ate with a fork and spoon even if it was a Hilsa fish or chapati. When I was in pre-school, Dadu used to pick me up every day and take me to his house at Dover Lane. Every day at exactly at noon, I used to stare out of the window to look out for his black car. That was the favourite part of my day. As a result I always missed the last 10 minutes of that class much to the chagrin of the teachers! So Dadu was politely told by the principal to park his car a few metres away from the school building! Dadu had tremendous will power – a quality which I am yet to master. Once decisions have been taken, it ought to be executed. He was a chain pipe smoker till he retired at the age of 55 years from the Board of Directors, SE Railways. He had promised his family that he would quit smoking the day he retires. And he did. And I can’t even give up chocolates, even when I am on a diet! He led a much disciplined life, I could actually set my watch by just following his routine. In spite of being in such a prestigious job, and leading quite a luxurious life (he had his own saloon coach when he was traveling, and huge railway bungalows replete with a whole entourage), he was a very simple man with very simple needs. He still went to the bazaar to buy groceries, washed his own car and did not keep a driver after he retired. He drove till the age of 84 years and believed in doing his own work. I had never seen him give orders to any servants in the house, or speak to anyone with disrespect. There was so much that I learnt from him. There is so much that I am yet to learn. Bhalo Dadu gave me my identity. He named me ‘Roshni’. The only word which he thought of after seeing me for the first time was ‘Light’, as I had illuminated his world. On this day 14 years ago at the age of 91, Bhalo Dadu got transported into another world. And today when I relived my childhood spent with him, I knew he was doing the same.
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