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A New Perspective of Society
I was recently reading Edith Wharton’s classic, “The Age of Innocence.” What struck me immediately, imprinting deeply as I read on, was the similarity of the English ‘old money’ dominated society and the current Indian middle class. The minds of both are closed. Only, this kind of society existed in England in the 19th century, and in India, in the present 21st century. We’re a whole two centuries behind! What people may consider as a blind aping of the West could also be viewed as moving on with the times. What about preserving culture, many ask. ‘Sati’ was once our culture. I’m not against culture, per se. In fact, I’m pretty much for it. But only that part of culture that is backed by common sense, that is not led astray by the fanaticism of rites long since proved useless, that appeals to one’s reason. In this article, I’d like to cover a few pressing topics that I believe society needs to change its mindset on. I’d like to reason it out with them, why their point of view is better than the one I propose. They have to convince me of the sense of it, not its sanctimony, righteousness or how many times it has been repeated in the scriptures. Let’s consider divorce. Why should a woman not seek divorce? (I say woman, because it is the woman who suffers, the man can mostly remarry without much of a problem.) If she is in an unhappy marriage, is it not better to end it than keep on dragging it and living the rest of her life in misery with a man she does not love, does not respect and in most cases, can’t stand? What about the children, you ask. Do you really think that a child with a single loving mom or dad is worse off than a child living with both his parents constantly at war with each other? Where’s the wholeness of the child’s soul that you’re seeking as a reason to avoid a divorce? Abortion is another hot topic. It is one big taboo in society. Why? You’d rather bring up a child and risk his learning that the basic act of his birth was unplanned, and more importantly, a mistake? Risk him thinking that he is undesired and that his whole life an unwanted burden on someone? Isn’t it the parent’s decision, only? And they’re the kid’s parents. Don’t you think they would care more about their kids than the old aunt who condemns the divorce and worries about the mental health of the kid? The argument that the child may grow up to make his family proud is valid, but who gets to decide? Not the aunt, please. And then there is the highest of social stigmas. Live-in relationships. This one is so big that people think twice before gossiping, almost! “Oh my God! She’s moved in with him, they’re obviously sleeping together, and they’re not even married!” See, I get that marriage is a very important custom in India. It holds a lot of symbolic value, but the question ultimately boils down to “Can we force tradition on people?” Doesn’t it lose its sanctity if one is forced to follow a custom one doesn’t understand the significance of? Isn’t it quite like being forced to stand in front of a stone idol and pray to a God you don’t believe in? Will your prayers be answered then? If a marriage certificate is just a scrap of paper to someone, and you get her married anyway, will she respect it? Will she ask her child to do it? Probably wouldn’t, so your tradition will die anyway, but she’ll still view you as evil for forcing her to do it. What you can do, is sit with her, see her point of view, show her yours, get her to respect it, and if you can’t, then leave her be. If she’s old enough to decide who she is to marry (I’m not even considering the alternative), she can very well decide for herself on the relevance of a certificate and a ceremony as well. If she regrets it later, she will learn responsibility, and not blame you for ‘ruining her life.’ Another class of people, universally condemned, is those that hunger for money. Everyone wants it, but it is sacrilegious to admit it. Money is viewed in many ways. As the root of all evil, for one. How’s this for a change: money as a harsh judge of our abilities. No money is ever earned without ability. And it is earned in direct proportion to it. We’ve all heard people piously preach that the best things in life are free. Don’t run after money, it’s not related to happiness. And then they’ll go on and point out several super rich people, who, according to them, are unhappy. A common example being the fact that Dhirubhai Ambani built an empire from nothing, and that his sons, bred in riches, broke it into two. Yeah, the brothers aren’t together, we get it, but who’s to say they’d be happy with each other and themselves in rags? About the best things in life being free, think about it a moment. What makes you really happy? A smile from your loved one? When does that come now? Some warm words usually work. But how long are you going to make it work with words? An expensive gift almost never fails. See, I don’t claim that money implies happiness, but the converse, that the lack of money does imply unhappiness. Everyone really knows that. So, why does our society not accept that hunger for money is natural, is good? Why suffer for lack of it, secretly desire more, but condemn in all the glory of society, those who openly show ability for it? He’s got the lust of money, they say. Well, if he’s got the ability for it, then his lust is one of the best things to happen to him. But will Indian society be willing to try these views on for size? Will they even give it due consideration? Probably, not. So, what stops most people? That this is Wrong. Then, ask them, whether they believe in a universal Right and Wrong. Most people will reply with pride in their belief, without thinking, in the affirmative. Ask them for examples of universal Wrongs. Stealing, pat comes the reply. Then why did Robin Hood have many staunch supporters? Killing is another of the favorites. But euthanasia is now legal in some countries, and practiced nonetheless in others. There is no universal Right or Wrong. It varies with the end you’re on, the receiving or the giving. It varies from people to people, from thinking to thinking. And that’s all I ask. That you think. That you be an individual first, and a part of society later. That you first set your own mind by your logic, knowledge and understanding, after spending some time thinking about it. And then, ask what other people think. Change your mind, if their arguments appeal to your reason. But don’t, I beg, follow them just because everyone says it’s the right thing to do.
Editor's note: Most articles submitted to Chillibreeze go through a selection process. Only 30 percent of submitted articles are accepted for publication on the Chillibreeze.com featured article list. All accepted articles are edited and proofread for glaring errors of punctuation and grammar. Sentence structure is changed in certain cases and sometimes, entire sections are rewritten. If you notice any errors that have slipped through the cracks, do let us know! (Email us at info at chillibreeze dot com). Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in September, 2010. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.
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