The Growing Popularity of
Arranged Marriages

chillibreeze writer — Archana Vaidyanathan

Coming from a country where arranged marriage has been a norm and continues to be so, it is an interesting observation for me that it is now evolving into a popular universal practice. Arranged marriages are not confined to Hindu and Muslim countries anymore.
 
Marrying in the late 20's and 30's was once considered fashionable. Marriage-weakening trends are widespread in the U.S. and Europe and are spreading to developing countries. According to the United Nation's survey on global marriage patterns in the year 2000, the average mean age of marriage among countries of the developed regions was 27.9 for males and 25.2 for females, in comparison to 24.9 for males and 21.4 for females among countries of the less developed regions. Late marriages suited career-driven men and women who stayed unmarried and dated till their 30's or 40's and decided at a later stage of their lives to settle down. However, recently a change has been noticed. Increasingly young men and women from varied backgrounds insist upon marrying in their 20's and romance is shaping into a serious commitment. These early settlers have become aware about the time frame they need to plan financial matters, raise their children and also prepare themselves for their own retirement. The idea of settling down early is desirable from social-economic viewpoints and with this change marriages have gained more momentum.

The World Marriage Patterns 2000 (Wall chart) Census conducted by the United Nations states that in spite of the relatively high incidences of marital dissolution in some regions like Europe and Northern America, marriage is still the preferred state. In almost all countries, the proportions of married men and women are at least 90 per cent.
 
A marriage derives its roots from the need to start a family. A lot of people believe that they would lose their privacy and rights when they get into a marital bond with another person. Some people are career driven and need time to themselves. Others simply haven't found the right mate and don't want to hastily succumb to an unhappy arranged marriage. Most youngsters engage in courtship while others continue to give their parents the responsibility of choosing their life partner for them and involve them in making their marriage decisions. Their joint decisions, though in several cases they are heavily influenced by the parents, would culminate in an arranged marriage.

Arranged marriages are common in the Middle East and parts of Africa and Asia. They are unions planned and fixed mutually by the parents or extended families of the girl and the boy. Arranged marriages and courtship rituals vary from culture to culture and are fixed with or without the boy and girls consent or just on the basis of family reputation. Parents also find out details about their child's prospective spouse and based on their appearance, trustworthiness, nature, vocation and capabilities, decide to move on with the alliance. Generally, the horoscopes, usually in Hindu unions, of both the girl and boy are matched for ensuring marital harmony. An important objective behind an arranged marriage is to have ones child married within the same caste and inside a known family. A good spouse would guarantee a good future for their child thus securing the lineage and maintaining the tradition. Even though the westernized system of dating and love marriages are prevalent in these cultures a vast majority of the population across the African and Asian sub continent even today believes and adheres to the ritual of arranged marriage.
 
Marriages, in the eastern culture are considered resolute sacred bonds that are not vulnerable to trivial tensions or misunderstandings. Earlier times, in rural areas, arranged marriages were a very private serious alliance between the prospective bride and grooms parents barring even the consent of the would-be spouses, sometimes brutally forced upon them. This would generally result in a mismatch leaving both spouses to live together unhappily. The reason therefore for a lot of people to flinch at the thought of an arranged marriage is quite evident. However arranged marriages today are becoming more accommodating and sensitive to the feelings and opinions of the youth. The term 'arranged marriage' means much more than parental approval. Nowadays children are allowed to participate in the decision of choosing their partners. If the marriage is agreed upon, they are allowed to court. Some broadminded parents also encourage their children to find a match for themselves.
 
Arranged marriages are based on the foundations of commitment, trust and responsibility, and they help both partners recognize, accept and adjust with each other. After all no one match is perfect. The chances of leaving one’s spouse are slimmer in an arranged marriage unless circumstances are too critical to hold on, for e.g. an abusive marriage. It is this concept of living with some one new and learning to love them beyond their appearance and weaknesses that develops into a lifelong bond. Such marriages also ensure parental support at all times.

Shaken with divorces and unsuccessful relationships, a lot of people are now turning to their parents for marriage advice and match-making. Many youngsters inform their parents about their desire to marry and give them the liberty to choose their spouse. Interestingly a lot of youth, who understand their parent's sensitiveness towards caste and culture differences, date partners they feel their parents would approve of. Such self- arranged relationships result in a marital union based on both love and parental approval resulting in love-cum-arranged marriages.

Today online match-making systems are a popular world-wide method of finding mates. The system involves inputting all your preferences and requirementson websites for which you receive compatible matches, very much like an arranged marriage. E-harmony is one such online match-making web site in the United States that specializes in finding compatible matches.
 
No matter how we look at it, society is always transforming because of the sentiments of people and their variable mind set. Due to their changed definition and success, arranged marriages have a renewed hope. In essence, we are going back to our roots.

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—About our writer: Archana writes for chillibreeze.

 

 

 

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