The Tough Decision

chillibreeze writer — Nandini Garikipati

Everything was fine. Life was great. But something changed after.....my heart and mind met.

A question was raised. Multiple choice answers provided. I used all my help lines – phone a friend, audience poll and 50-50. But, I was still unsure.

I looked out for my biggest lifeline. His eyes pledged support. I made my choice – not from among the ones the help lines suggested. Today, I am the happiest person, so is he and most of all is our little angel...who thanks me for being there. How much she values this in future is not the issue, but if she values it NOW, then my decision must have been right. If I have given her happiness, I am right.

She tells me I scold her, but she knows why. When she says that I am the best mamma, I believe her. When she looks at me meaningfully, when she understands me as well as my most valued help line, it means the world to me.
Six years ago, I had led a hectic life, successfully faced challenges at work, enjoyed the stress and loved the pay. Today, I find 24 hours less for a day, I learn something new each day and the stress is still there, but laced with satisfaction and happiness.

My heart had wanted to enjoy family life, but my mind loved the work. My heart had wanted a baby and every moment with her. My mind wanted the challenges of meeting daily deadlines, bringing out clean copies and waiting for the newspaper the morning after. It was a high nothing else could give. My heart yearned for the sleepless nights feeding my baby and my mind smiled at the dark circles after a late night's work.

Well why did the choice issue have to come in? The help lines had suggested – carry on work, get a nanny, call the mother or mother-in-law and enjoy the million baby hugs and kisses at the end of the day when you get back with expensive toys! That keeps your child happy because you give your child the best...so you think.

I always quote this interesting statement I read somewhere “Don't be disheartened if you cannot give your child THE best...give her YOUR best.” The nanny does not care, the granny does not scold and the mommy does not have the time. But still, either the nanny who does not care stays or the granny who does not scold loves and the mommy who does not find time complains!

My heart and mind together made a simple choice. My baby is not only my responsibility but also my choice. I did not want to miss on anything about her, and most of all I did not want to hold someone else responsible for anything my child did. If I disapproved of anything the child picked up, I needed to work on it. Not blame someone else for it. Why would I expect the grannies to do everything all over again after their kids were grown up? Because ''they love doing it?'' Then why not invite them over for a holiday and enjoy those moments they love together?

I am a stay-at-home mom and happy and proud to be one. Happy because I am around when my daughter errs, to tell her how I had erred and learnt from my mistakes, I am around to help her wipe the dust off and rise again after a fall, to see the friendly spider after watching Charlotte's Web together; I am around to learn to draw a pig and a butterfly as soon as she returns from kindergarten. I love the special moments of relaxed togetherness while we read and discuss a book together; I get to see the stars her teacher draws on her hand, before they fade away, I get to see her friends and the sandcastles she makes...and for many, many such happy moments. I am proud because I am often asked – how my child is the way SHE is.

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—About our writer:

Nandini says, "Writing is my passion and family is my world. I love to write about everything I see, feel and think about, exactly the way it is."

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