The process of birth and the joy experienced by a mother when she sees her baby being born is the same all around the world but the style of parenting differs across cultures. Are Indian parents over-protective in comparison to Western parents? Are we giving our children the necessary space for self development?
All parents invest time in their child’s life from day one. Over the years, as the child grows from a baby to a toddler to a pre-teen, the parenting pattern varies. Western pre-teens are given ample freedom to late night parties, room privacy, access to internet etc. This kind of freedom will most likely not work with Indian kids because balancing our cultural values with the growing expectation of children becomes a big challenge for Indian parents.
Children as young as five years of age try to be independent. They think they know it all. As they grow older, the thought that they are big enough to handle everything begins to develop. As parents, it is natural to panic but we need to stay calm and understand that this is just a phase – a phase where every action of parents counts in molding them into the adult we want them to be. A little patience and understanding of your children is all that it requires getting them tide over their raging thoughts and emotions.
Here are a few tips to help Indian parents ensure that children observe our cultural values and at the same time remain happy without turning rebellious:
Establish open communication with your children – Start communicating with your children from a very young age - as early as four years. Involve yourself in their day to day activities but don’t hover over them or become overinvolved. This will enhance their bonding with you and give them the courage to open up when required. As your child develops into a teenager, there will be a constant pressure on them to be like their peers. Speak to your child about it openly that such pressure is natural. Encourage them that you understand and that many things are permissible with your supervision and the limits you set. This will help them understand you are not their enemy.
Know your child’s friend circle – Know your kid’s friends because s/he spends so much time with them. Every child comes from different backgrounds. Get to know the parent’s of your child’s friends, as much as you can. This will give you the confidence that you know who your child is mingling with.
Access to Internet – Allow your child to surf the net, chat with friends etc. This is the age of technology and preventing your child from internet access will only make you a monster parent in your kids’ eyes. Place the computer in a common area accessible to all. Explain to your child that you are giving him the liberty to access the internet and chat but it will be on your terms - in the open. Do not give your child laptops that are easy to carry to their rooms. Desktops, though old fashioned, are the best for homes with children.
Room Privacy – Give your child the freedom to call friends home but set the rules that they are not allowed to lock their room doors. Set limits for the hours and timings a friend can come home.
Parties – Parties are common among teenagers. Find out from your child the location of the party and insist on dropping your child to the location. Till your child is 18 years old, allow them to attend parties that have adult supervision. Set a curfew to get back home.
Grade Supervision – Encourage your child to focus on their grades. Interact with their teachers and observe the grades. If at a point in time, you feel your child’s grades are slipping; your child might be under some sort of pressure. Take time to sit down and talk to your child before jumping the gun on them. Your child could be under peer pressure or something else could be bothering them. Ignoring their need to talk to somebody can lead your child to depression.
We need to see our children as little saplings that need nurturing and care to grow into a strong plant against all odds. Children need to be nurtured in love and understanding. Our children are growing in a generation where they see their counterparts in other countries enjoying complete freedom. Keeping this in mind, we need to help them understand the values we were taught and the need to inculcate these values and discipline in our life. Some day, they will thank and love you for being their mom and dad.
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