“Seven years, eh? That must feel like a lifetime!” was the opening line of a much younger friend who came and congratulated me with a warm hug and a big bouquet of flowers. The husband and I were celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary last December and had invited friends over for a house party. Barely out of graduate school, she utterly amazed about the fact that we, belonging to the so called “new generation” did not find it suffocating to live with each other for so many years at a stretch.
My friend for one, describes herself as “a free bird” wanting to soar dizzy heights. Relationships, she thinks are passé and are nothing but shackles for one’s dreams. Of course, being young and beautiful, it is mandatory to have a boyfriend, and many other friends with “special privileges”, but marriage is last thing on her mind! “Can you imagine having to see the face of the same man every single day that too some random guy that my parents or some overtly concerned aunt has chosen for me!?” she reasons.
My friend is certainly not alone. Her peers, mostly in their early twenties, echo similar sentiments. Commitment, matrimony etc....are bad words to them. They are rebels wanting to live life on their own terms. My friend is a bright aspiring lawyer residing in Mumbai with her musician boyfriend. For the record, they are not in a “long term relationship”. They are just hanging around with each other because they enjoy each other’s company. They say their key to happiness is a “no-strings attached” relationship and they do not have any expectations of each. Their logic is that they do not want a social certificate to have sex. It’s a free country, and they are adults, so why should they sit around waiting till society decides what is a good time on their behalf.
This is precisely why my friend never ceases to be amazed at how I am sticking around with my husband for close to a decade now (taking into consideration the three years of courtship before marriage). I, on the other hand, may have been born about a decade earlier than her, but cannot fathom the logic of having a “no strings attached” relationship. Let’s for a moment, delve upon the very definition of a “no strings attached” relationship. Are there really no feelings, no emotions involved? You like a particular person - decide to “go around” with him/her for a while, and then suddenly one fine day either one of you can decide that it’s not working out, and that’s it. “All done! Move on?!” Is it really that simple? Wouldn’t it hurt even a teeny tiny bit? One moment, he or she is the centre of the universe and the next moment, you’re in a void! At the risk of sounding like a “Discoursing Dinosaur”, I have often launched into debates about the utter lack of responsibility of youngsters while handling relationships today. My point is, that it’s all very nice to sound like a modern day yuppie in a big metropolitan city and say that you are in a “no strings attached relationship” but what do you gain at the end of the day? Is it just about having arm candy, good sex or squandering hard earned money, in the name of being a nonconformist - a rebel?
Make no mistake—I have nothing against youngsters wanting to be a rebel. Rebels in their day have changed the course of the world as we know it today. A single act of civil disobedience way back in 1958 was the beginning of a culture that would dominate world trends for the next decade or so. On an April afternoon, close to a million peace loving passionate youngsters, united in Trafalgar Square London to protest against the insanity of war being carried out by the US and use of nuclear weapons in a peace march popularly known as “Ban the bomb”. Social groups that comprised nonconformists were born of this movement, and were fathers of what came to be known as the “hippie culture”. They dressed differently, spoke of world peace and yes, they did listen to psychedelic rock and smoked marijuana too. But that was not everything they stood for. They made the world sit up and take notice; they were not rebels without a cause. It is true that most of us have gone through a phase where everything our parents said or did seemed unfair, their set of rules unjust, and thus being “victims” we have wanted an outlet. Every one of us was a hippie in our own age...and left no stones unturned to prove the same. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a non conformist!
But why sacrifice the sanctity of relationships at the altar of revolution? Whatever has happened to the wonderful feeling of being in love? Why do youngsters seem so scared to pledge themselves to a single individual? Does it make them less of a rebel if they truly love each other, so much as to wanting to spend the rest of their lives with the same person? It does require a lot of guts to do that I agree, but my friends, to admit to the world that you are in love is a heady feeling. It’s a high that no drug on planet earth can provide! Why in the name of being a rebel should you deny yourself this ecstasy?
Be a rebel by all means, try all the things that you have to, but do not deny yourself this pleasure of belonging to one person. Having no-strings attached relationships, or friends with special privileges may seem cool, but give it a deeper thought. To me, it seems like a manifestation of one’s fear, fear to commit oneself to love, the fear of being hurt or rejected, the fear of being a social outcast. It may not always be a cakewalk, but it does have its advantages. It’s worth the heartaches, heartburns and the moping around that you might have to do till ‘the one’ comes along. And believe you me, it does happen, if you keep an open heart, rather than trying so hard to be a rebel.
Your first relationship may not always be the one you would want to turn into a lifelong commitment, but do not be afraid to make mistakes. After all it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!
Editor's note: Most articles submitted to Chillibreeze go through a selection process. Only 30 percent of submitted articles are accepted for publication on the Chillibreeze.com featured article list. All accepted articles are edited and proofread for glaring errors of punctuation and grammar. Sentence structure is changed in certain cases and sometimes, entire sections are rewritten. If you notice any errors that have slipped through the cracks, do let us know! (Email us at info at chillibreeze dot com).
Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in May, 2011. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.
Out of 5 “chilies”, our editorial team gave this article...
—About our writer:
Gargi Banerjee has been a financial scribe over the last ten years and has worked with newspapers and magazines such as Financial Express, Businessworld, Mint (the HT- Wall Street collaboration in India) and the Outlook Group. She has also been a regular contributor to the in house publications of a few brokerage houses. Also interested in creative writing, she is currently working on her first book of short stories. Gargi is currently based in Mumbai.
>> Read more articles written by Chillibreeze writers:
Chillibreeze offers Indian writers the opportunity to work on customer projects. We are also India’s biggest writer network and a one-stop shop for Indian writers and editors. The writers’ section on Chillibreeze offers freelance writers and editors a variety of tools to advance their careers. Resources for writers include:
