Most mothers are shocked and flustered when there’s a phone call from their child’s school. Not Dev’s mother though. She’s fielded so many calls from the school, that there’s no shock, only a determined resignation to face the day’s complaint – Dev’s refusing to do his work/Dev insists on going to the toilet for the tenth time that morning/Dev’s been disturbing the other children by humming loudly. Dev was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago, and life has never been quite the same for his parents ever since.
What is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
ADHD is a neurological disorder, characterized by attention problems, disorganization, and in some instances is combined with hyperactivity. Both adults and children can suffer from ADHD, though it’s usually diagnosed when the child’s around 3-5 years old.
Depending on the behavior pattern, your child’s ADHD can be characterized as predominantly inattentive (those easily distracted, disorganized daydreamers who are usually in a world of their own), primarily hyperactive-impulsive (the fidgety ones who refuse to stay still, and blurt out their thoughts with scant regard to consequences), or combination ADHD (a combination of the two).
Coping with ADHD in your child
Most parents have troubles dealing with an ADHD child long before they get down to diagnosing the condition –nothing strange, since ADHD children seem to be blessed with an uncanny acumen to persistently press the wrong button. And as a parent, you no doubt want to get rid of the disorder as soon as you can, with as little difficulty to your child as possible. Sadly, this is not quite likely. It takes time, patience and a lot of effort to bring up an ADHD child, but the results are usually worth it.
Accept the difference
Your child is different from others and you’ll have to accept this fact. It’s not much use punishing him for things that he simply finds difficult to comprehend. The techniques that work with other kids would only make him misbehave more, or to retire into an unreachable shell. ADHD kids are different – they’re not bad or addled. So you’ll just have to learn to deal with them differently.
Develop a thicker hide
This is one coping technique many ADHD books fail to mention. You’ll need to toughen yourself a good deal, for you’ll be at the receiving end of malicious and often thoughtless comments over the years, and you’ll have to face them without taking it out on your child. There’ll be many situations where you’ll be forced to apologize – for your child’s tantrums and thoughtless comments. Learn to do it gracefully. And never apologize for your child’s symptoms, and for what s/he is.
Schedule, schedule, schedule
If there’s a one word solution to all ADHD problems, it would be this. Schedule your days to military perfection, and stick to it diligently. ADHD children hate schedules, but once you get them to follow it, it’ll benefit immensely. Allot a fixed study hour every evening. If there isn’t much homework to do, he could spend the extra time reading quietly. But never shorten the time. Keep routines simple. Since early morning rushes are particularly difficult for ADHD children, get them to finish their work and pack their things the previous evening. You’ll have to face tantrums, and hear frequent moanings about how tired they are – but never give in. And don’t do it for them – they should organize their stuff themselves, though there’s no harm checking their work afterwards.
Stop the distraction
ADHD children are just what the term says – they are attention deficit, and they’re distracted by simple things. Since their concentration levels are abysmally low, limit the distractions. Never let your child sit by a window – he’ll get distracted by anything from butterflies to bulldozers. Make sure he takes only the books that he needs for the day, and that his pencil case is filled with only the things he absolutely requires. Any extra stuff would just tempt him to toy around. Since they have limited attention spans, many ADHD children benefit from shorter work time. Instead of fixing, say an hour for an exercise, allow him 20 minutes. He could then have a short break before getting on. As his attention span increases, you could gradually increase the allotted time. Excessive T.V and video games are a big taboo, as are sugary food- these only enhance their already abundant hyperactivity and escapism.
Blame games – big no-no
Never reprimand your child in public. This is one of the hardest lessons in ADHD child management – when your child has a huge tantrum, refuses to answer someone or blurts out indiscreetly, it’s quite natural to feel angry enough to throw a mini tantrum of your own. At the least, you’ll feel angry enough to chide him. Do so, by all means, but never in public. And never hurt him with cruel words. He might look nonchalant, but he’s much more vulnerable that he shows himself to be. You’ll need to ensure that he knows that you disapprove of his behavior - not him as a person. Any public scolding and bitter barbs would only dent your child’s self esteem, and he has precious little of that in the first place.
30 second rule
This is a great one for getting your child organized enough to put things in their proper places. Fix proper places for all his things, and ask him to spare 30 seconds to put an item back in its place after he uses it. Ensure he does so, irrespective of any pressing urgency he might conjure up. This way, he’ll know where his stuff is, and learn the simple rules of organization at the same time.
ADHD and lying
Many ADHD children have a vivid imagination, and frequently confuse it with reality. Some may even construct elaborate lies to get out of trouble. As a parent, this could be very worrying, especially if you are honest to a fault yourself. But you’ll have to remember that it’s just an impulsive reaction. ADHD people can be chronic liars – they lie continuously, usually to get out of the situation or to portray themselves in a better light. But they are rarely pathological liars – they never lie to get others into trouble, or to better themselves at the expense of others. So learn to take an easier rein on his fibbing. You could laugh at his lies, perhaps – this way he’ll know that you don’t take his stories literally. Sometimes the lies could be a little more serious – but this is often when he fears punishment. Drill into him that you’d rather have the truth than his stories about awesome achievements. And stick to it – there’s no point insisting on the truth about his grades, and then berating him for low marks. You could let him know firmly that his grades have to improve, and help him figure out what could be done to do so, without throwing up a rumpus.
Me time
In spite of, or perhaps, because of their difficult nature, most ADHD children have a hidden talent – art, literature, music, inventions. Take special pains to identify your child’s special aptitude, and use their vocation as an outlet for their dreams and high spirits. Let them have some time to do an activity they particularly enjoy – it would calm them down, and who knows, could perhaps lead on to greater achievements!
Consistency
This is the keyword for ADHD parents. All these tips are of little use if they are not implemented in a regular fashion. Every rule should be followed consistently, if they are to help your child at all.
What about Ritalin?
With the advent of many ADHD specific drugs, some parents prefer medications for the more severe forms of ADHD. This is entirely a personal decision, based on your opinion and your doctor’s advice.
Remember, you’re in good company
Michael Phelps had trouble dealing with ADHD, until his mother hit upon swimming as an outlet for his hyperactivity. Thomas Edison was called “addled” by his teacher. He would have remained so had it not been for his mother, who never gave up, and home schooled him to be the inventor he eventually became. Einstein, DaVinci and Mozart were all purported to have had attention disorders. In fact, ADHD probably aided their genius and their “out of the box” thinking, once they made the tremendous effort to control it. And it’s up to you to help your child realize his destiny – just like Edison’s and Phelps’s mothers did. Raising an ADHD child is not an easy task. You’ll often feel discouraged; you’ll often rue the unfairness of it all. But ADHD can be overcome. You’ll just need patience, persistence, practice, and then patience all over again.
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Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in January, 2011. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.
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—About our writer:
Gayathri is a network engineer and a part-time writer based in Dubai. In addition to technical articles on computers and networking, she also writes on subjects ranging from Philosophy and Psychology -especially the autism spectrum, geriatrics and children. Her articles have appeared in The Hindu, The Gulf News (Middle East’s leading newspaper) and the Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul series, in addition to websites dealing with technical and workplace issues.
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