The Challenges of Parenting Today

chillibreeze writer — Somali Mitra

Parenting today has become a real challenge. It’s hard to recall parents even one generation ago being so harried as today’s mother or father is. And yet, we didn’t turn out all that bad. But in the present day scenario, parenting has taken a quantum leap from being part of the normal life cycle and daily routine of family bonding to being a vocation. Turn on the television and at any given point of time there are parenting experts expounding on their pet theories of how to rear children. Or worse still horror stories of children facing untold trauma because of facing rape, parental abuse, or even getting lured into drugs or online porn. It’s all very overwhelming.

Tune in to the radio and someone is recounting tales of her childhood and comparing it unfavorably with that of her parents. Log onto the Internet and a plethora of sites pop up that either stridently warn or are full of tips on how to be the model parent. With more and more conveniences being added to our lives, it’s ironical but true that instead of simplifying, life has become more complex and convoluted. Things were simpler when choices were few.

But then again, one hears so many stories of happy and contented families that love and support each other. These are few and far between though. What one usually sees is clueless, worried parents and disgruntled children. Why is this happening? Why are parents trying so hard and children not appreciating it? Why is there a deep chasm between parents and their offspring?

Possible explanations
As one delves deep and talks to both parents and children one realizes that each has their own set of pressures and expectations to live up to. Children expect their parents to be there for them whenever they need, wherever they need. They have a list of consumer goods that are on their must have list, things that may often be unaffordable, and they have somewhat expensive habits that need to be maintained. In order to fulfill these desires parents overstretch themselves, often working two jobs in an attempt to give their child whatever s/he wants. In doing so, exactly the opposite happens. Instead of the family spending quality time together, all one sees are tired parents and children who are resentful of the time the parent spends away from home, not realizing that it is a result of their demands.

It’s thus a vicious cycle one that takes a conscious attempt to break. Somewhere the parent needs to draw the line to say that the child must learn to mold his desires according to what the parent can afford. Parents too need to learn that there are limits that need to be imposed on the child and that at some point, one has to simply stop being the doting mother and father and lay down the rules.

Then of course there are mindsets that have evolved over time. “Generation Gap” exists even today and neither parents nor children are totally at ease with each other. There is much unsaid and even more misunderstood. A child says “Oh god I’m looking fat, I need to go on a diet.” A parent hears, “Oh God is she veering towards anorexia!!” Both are essentially on the same plane but at opposite ends. Each mistakes the intentions of the other. In such a scenario, if the parent tries to explain his or her point of view, he will be perceived as interfering, obsessive and overbearing while a child who continues with a diet plan may be thought of as borderline manic depressive and over obsessed with self image.

Communication is key
There is only one way to bridge this gap. Communication, communication, and still more communication! It is important to keep talking and to keep sounding each other out. Views need to be exchanged and attitudes need to be flexible for both. At a same time a certain space and distance needs to be maintained. One cannot be pals with one’s parent or child otherwise maintaining discipline becomes very difficult.

There is a proverb that goes: “Familiarity breeds contempt”- this is true for parenting too. It is important and natural for both parent and child to create their individual space buffers. This makes for a healthy relationship. Expectations should be in tandem with reality. Love should be unwavering and above all there should be a feeling of constant and unswerving support by the parent to the child. Once maturity is gained, the parent will see a sensitive, understanding, and temperate adult emerge…and then all the trials and tribulations of parenting seem worthwhile.

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Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in October, 2010. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.

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—About our writer:

Somali Mitra is a teacher of English Language and Literature. Having completed her Masters in the subject she taught children of all ages for over 14 years, before making the shift to the corporate world. Even though she now works as the Marketing and Operations Head of a leather export and retail brand, her first love- teaching , still is a part of her daily routine. She continues to teach college students online. She loves to read and write about travel, new fashion trends, parenting issues and also writes web content on property and insurance portals for a web development company.

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