The Empty Nest

chillibreeze writer — Correen Savaille

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.”
- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

As I silently sit and watch my four year old play, these words run through my mind. I know it’s true and one day, before I realize it, my little baby will be a young adult, ready to spread his wings and soar into the big bad world. My heart and mind are filled with mixed emotions, a part of me looks forward to that day and yet my heart wretches at the thought that I will have to let go and my nest will be empty!

The “empty nest syndrome” refers to that phase in the life of parents when their children have grown up and are seeking to find their own identity and path in life, and are no longer ‘totally’ dependent on their parents. This can be a difficult phase for many a parent especially if a substantial part of their life has revolved around the child. You suddenly feel an emptiness, a loneliness that is very difficult to explain. But this can be minimized to a large extent if we know how to cope with it.

Being Mentally Prepared: This is something that is inevitable, it’s part of the cycle of life. I felt the first pangs of emptiness the day my baby first went to school. Here onwards, a child slowly gains his/her independence and begins to become a person in his/her own right. Though it’s difficult, we need to prepare ourselves mentally from this very stage itself. Not only do we need to take care of our children at this stage but also of our own aspirations and needs. This will not just make us happier and better parents but will also help us deal with the moment when our children are finally ready to live independently.

Socializing: It’s very important to have a good group of friends to help you cope with the loneliness. Sometimes talking about your feelings, sharing your emotions, getting a warm hug helps you feel so much better. And what better way to deal with it than with close friends around you, who understand what you’re going through and are willing to spend time with you, listening to you, helping you deal with the transition. This can also be a good time to reconnect with friends you lost touch with due to lack of time while you were busy parenting. Catching up on movies, going for walks, shopping with friends without having to worry about the children can be quite relaxing and can take your mind off the loneliness for a while.

Activities and hobbies: Remember all those things you wanted to do but never had time to. The times you thought “once the kids grow up I will do it”? Now is the time to nurture your interests, fulfill your desires, to get involved in all the activities you wanted to. Things like gardening, reading, going for walks, visiting places, relaxing spas, learning something new, painting, getting involved in social work and so on. This will give you a lot of mental satisfaction and hardly any time to sit and dwell about your empty nest.

Relationship: This is the time to rekindle the honeymoon phase of your life. Over the years, it may have been impossible to give the spouse undivided attention. Now is the time when one can rejuvenate their marriage without having to worry about the children or their needs. You can now have those long un-interrupted conversations you may have missed out on over the years. And who better a person to help you tide over this phase than your spouse!

Communication: In this day and age of technology, distance is no barrier. However, all said and done, it is human nature to miss your children a lot. But we don’t have to torment ourselves, we can always pick up the phone and have a quick chat with them. Staying in contact will minimize the feeling of loneliness and cheer you up.

At the end of the day, no matter how prepared one is, it is but natural to feel the pangs in your heart when that moment finally arrives. Keeping the tears away maybe one of the hardest things to do, but then we need to remember, as did our parents, that this is the time to give ourselves a pat on the back for a job well done. What better reward can parents expect than to see their child go out into the world as independent and capable human beings, ready to embark on the journey of life?

Editor's note: Most articles submitted to Chillibreeze go through a selection process. Only 30 percent of submitted articles are accepted for publication on the Chillibreeze.com featured article list. All accepted articles are edited and proofread for glaring errors of punctuation and grammar. Sentence structure is changed in certain cases and sometimes, entire sections are rewritten. If you notice any errors that have slipped through the cracks, do let us know! (Email us at info at chillibreeze dot com).

Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in April, 2011. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.

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—About our writer:

Correen Savaille is a commerce graduate with a diploma in Application Development. Reading and writing has always been her passion. At the age of eight she had her first article published. She has won many awards for writing and debating .Her greatest achievement was a silver medal in the International Children’s Competition presented by the President of India.

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