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Twins - Their Own Perspective
Twins have always fascinated people. They just see the beauty in two. I’ve often been approached by complete strangers who ask me questions and stop me as I rush about my weekly shopping. I remember thinking, if I had a penny for every time someone said.’ You’ve got your hands full, dear’, I’d be a millionaire by now! There is twice as much work, twice as long to get things done and twice as long to get out the door. People are always curious about how parents handle two babies when just having one is so much work. I know that they will not be small forever and maybe when they get older, I will miss all the attention. I asked my twin sons on their thirteenth birthday to talk about what being a twin meant to them. I was intrigued, as I had survived parenthood but had not bothered to really discuss their innermost thoughts. I wonder if I’ve opened a can of worms! What surprised me most was when they both mentioned, individually, that they really resented ‘always being called ‘twins’ and not by our own names’. I thought back to the first time we had been invited to a dinner party, when they were five, and were greeted with - ’Hello twins’. I was taken aback to hear a prompt response from K - I’m K, while G (older twin) just smiled as he was introduced as ‘and he’s G’. Were they feeling it then? True to say, they have their own identity and develop their own personalities, but just a common remark by friends calling them ‘twins’ did really mean so much to them? They also moaned about having to share everything – ‘including our birthday!’ Most siblings learn to share toys and sweets. My sons resented the fact that the other twin was also the center of attention on their birthday. Planning for parties was fraught with too many thoughts. Do you buy same type of cards or different cards? Should we have similar themes or separate ones? We always bought two of everything to make life easier! Right at the outset, we searched for information about bringing up twins and found heaps of books on how they are conceived, about identical and fraternal twins and the problems associated with multiple births and the pregnancy. But there wasn’t much information about raising them. So we just plodded along as best we could, learning from our mistakes. We were divided on dressing them up with identical clothes. I was a strong believer in dressing them in different colors, albeit similar styles. My husband wanted them to be dressed in the same outfits. We compromised and bought some similar and some totally different clothes. But who should have the last laugh, when, at two years old, I found both K and G wanting to wear the same shirt when going out! It took a lot of tact and bribery to go out that day! To maintain my sanity, we decided to stick to buying two of everything. Obviously this had a negative impact on the minds of my sons, who quoted the wearing of similar clothes was akin to wearing a uniform at all times! As they grew older, they exerted their strong views on the choice of their clothes even to the extent of not buying a similar color suit since the other has it. ‘They don’t know who I am! – That was their constant lament. So I asked them if they remembered saying that to me. ‘Oh yes,’ they piped, ‘It was often at school or in the playground when we were asked who are you’. They had to keep repeating their names to friends in the playground. On receiving their merit badge from the head teacher during assembly, he asked them to show their name tags on the collar of the blazer to confirm their identity. K quoted that as a non-entity issue! They were in different classrooms at school, yet while writing their report, their sports teacher had written, ‘G performed exceptionally well at the tennis tournament, representing the school’. It was in fact K who represented the school. How could they have got that so wrong? Obviously, G was pretty pleased with that in his record, which was promptly rectified. Something which totally blew me away was their sibling rivalry. ‘We are always being compared to the other.’ It’s no wonder since throughout their lives friends and family have compared them to each other. Innocuous remarks like ‘You are taller than your brother’ or ‘Why can’t you write neatly like your twin?’ were enough to start the battle of wits. Can you imagine how it feels when you are always compared to another person? Some days, my twin boys compete with each other about everything from whose bowl of ice cream is bigger to who’s taller, even though they’re nothing alike in personality or appearance. And although comparing twins may seem innocent or even insightful, it’s the leading cause of rivalry as they ultimately turn their comparisons to each other. No matter what was discussed or commented on, a lighthearted banter would soon turn into a fierce battle of wits. Many a journey has been torturous with tears and tantrums. I suggested to them to talk about the good company they are to one another. They agreed that they did not always have to find friends to play with. They also said they knew they could count on the support of the other if either needed it. On odd occasions I’ve heard them gang up against their friends and with ‘two heads being better than one’ – get up to a lot of mischief! I am sure they wouldn’t mind me sharing this, but they decided to play a prank on their cousin B, while on a trip to the beach. They were building sandcastles and tunnels in the sand. G asked B to accompany him to buy an ice-cream while K stayed behind to dig a hole and placed a beach towel over it. On returning with the ice creams K asked G to sit down next to the towel. B was happy to sit on a towel. What a sight with feet up in the air!! They laughed heartily while she was at her wits end They would also have fun showing off their powers of ‘mind reading’. Both K and G pretended to be psychic. Their plan was for one twin to write down a number between 1 and 10 and for the other twin to ‘guess’ it. Unbeknown to the onlooker, their plan required a guile of jaw crunching the number written down to enable the other to skillfully guess it. I learned a tremendous amount from this conversation with my sons. Twins are truly amazing and I am blessed enough to be the mother of twins. I think that people are intrigued by things that they do not know a lot about, adding to the fascination about twins.
Editor's note: Most articles submitted to Chillibreeze go through a selection process. Only 30 percent of submitted articles are accepted for publication on the Chillibreeze.com featured article list. All accepted articles are edited and proofread for glaring errors of punctuation and grammar. Sentence structure is changed in certain cases and sometimes, entire sections are rewritten. If you notice any errors that have slipped through the cracks, do let us know! (Email us at info at chillibreeze dot com). Chillibreeze's disclaimer: This is a contributed article and was published on Chillibreeze in October, 2010. The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not reflect the views of Chillibreeze as a company. Chillibreeze has a strict anti-plagiarism policy. Please contact us to report any copyright issues related to this article. The relevance of the facts and figures cited (if any) could change after a period of time.
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